We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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