Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
