Do you still have your period?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
