It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
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Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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