I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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