i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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