Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
