did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
