If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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