it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
