Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
