really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
