I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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