More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
