How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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