So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
