I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
