soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
