It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
