Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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