She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
