My first STD was from a foam party
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
