I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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