Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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