i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize