I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
