Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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