Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
