he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
