just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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