Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
