bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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