DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
