oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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