do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
