I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
