Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
