Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize