I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
