He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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