she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
