Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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