y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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