I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you told grandpa to call you daddy
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
