If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
