So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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