I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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