Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
