I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
