Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
