bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
