i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
