When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
