i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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