Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
