The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
