I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
