I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
