..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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