We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
