I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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