Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
