i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
