I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
