Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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