we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
