He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
