I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
